If you haven’t already noticed from targeted ads on social media, displays at Target, or blogs with clickbait-y titles, Pride 2023 is in full swing in America right now. As I write this blog, the forefront of my mind is that many of us are struggling for survival, with trans rights being questioned and removed in many places in our country. (Allies: pause and click this link for a statistical visual: https://www.eriithemorig.com/p/may-anti-trans-legislative-risk-map).
To learn more about how you might specifically support a trans family member, please take a look at this blog I wrote for Transgender Day of Visibility. Pride is a time for me to celebrate my identity, my queer family, and the freedom my predecessors were criminalized and died for, and yet it is hard to do this with so many of us struggling for rights. With this in mind, I’d like to share some things with you that queer loved ones might not feel safe saying or might not know how to say.
First off, we need to be aware of our own implicit bias, which extends beyond the more obvious prejudice so many of us encounter and rally against. Whether we are members of the LGBTQ+ community ourselves, or whether we are allies, we experience implicit bias. This bias impacts LGBTQ+ individuals in all facets of their lives, from education, to our workplaces, to healthcare. Disparities due to such bias can make day-to-day life extremely challenging, and at times, highly debilitating. We may not feel safe asking for the help that we need, or seeking out the care we require. Here’s a great article on how to understand implicit bias, how to actively work against it, and how to avoid passing it along to others, including children: https://parents-together.org/addressing-unconscious-lgbtq-biases-that-you-may-be-passing-along-to-your-children/.y-be-passing-alog-to-your-childre/
Next, we ask that our allies grow your understanding and help center and support LGBTQ+ voices. We need our allies because we get tired, so please keep propping us up and helping us be heard. The more you can bring your focus back to our needs and our voices, the more you are helping. If you notice your own feelings, maybe about your partner’s transition or your child’s newly shared sexual identity, are impacting your interactions with them, or if your allyship is becoming more about making yourself feel better about their identity, please seek out support to process your feelings. Keep listening, stay open-minded, and please continue to stand up for us. Here’s a great toolkit from the Human Rights Campaign to give you more ideas about how you can support and center our voices: https://reports.hrc.org/being-a-lgbtq-ally?_ga=2.108154562.1907456099.1685889879-1246636953.1685889879
Lastly, please take some time to learn about intersectionality. Among the LGBTQ+ population, you will find many who are marginalized in other ways by their identities. Parts of our identities may lead to privilege, while others may lead to oppression, whether we are LGBTQ+ or cis-het.
For those of us who are LGBTQ+ and otherwise also marginalized in our identity, we may be particularly vulnerable. As our allies, we need your help and understanding around how complex our identities are, as you see not only our sexuality and gender, but also our individuality. Here is another great tool to help with this: https://gaycenter.org/about/intersectionality/#more
Allies, here are some questions and thoughts I am sharing with queer readers. You might consider asking similar questions to your queer family members during pride this year, and throughout the year ahead. Queer readers, what do you need this pride season?What do you yearn for? What do you need from loved ones that you feel safe to ask for? How can you build your chosen family to get those needs met further, or to even support you in identifying those needs in the first place? Yes, you can meet your own needs, but you deserve rest from that. You are not meant to be in survival mode all the time. How can you rally around your queer family for mutual care? You deserve safety. You deserve to be taken care of. You deserve unconditional love – it is your birthright.
